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Sex & Relationship

4 Steps to Giving Sex As a Gift

BY AKHIGBE IVERSON

14 January 2021

Sexual experiences, makes a great gift, think about how you can create a really special, really pleasurable experience for a loved one. Even though they make great gifts, they also require more planning, more preparation, and more care afterward keep that in mind, prepare to put in some emotional work beforehand and some emotional work after.

I used to have mixed feelings about giving sex as a gift because I always thought if you were going to have sex with someone or have any kind of sexual experience with someone, it should really just be because you want to and they want to. And together you have agreed that that's going to do. But in recent years and in my own life, I realized what a powerful opportunity it is to give sexual experience to another person, I'll tell you why. So, first of all, as a partner, sometimes you're the only person who can create that kind of experience for your lover. So if you two are in a monogamist relationship and there's this thing that they really want to try and there is no one that they can try with.
So using their birthday, Christmas, or holiday as an excuse to give them that gift can be a really great way of showing them that you love them, giving them an experience that they would never otherwise have, and actually solidifying and reigniting your own sexual bond. Giving a sexual experience as a gift does not violate these special notes or the sacredness of your sexual relationship and I will tell you why this isn't a transaction. You're not buying something and then giving it to another person. There's no cost associated, you are giving an experience. And what do we really want for loved ones to have the days that we celebrating them, whether that’s a holiday Christmas a birthday. We want them to have an awesome experience. I want them to have awesome experiences all day, every day, but when we can turn the experience into a gift that's kind of thing that someone really remembers forever and means so much to the sex, especially as such a deep, meaningful way to connect. How often can you give pleasure to someone as a gift that is cool? That is a really cool thing. As the holidays approaching. As your partner's birthday is approaching, maybe start thinking of things that they have asked for you interested in reason to believe they brainstorm those things and think about which one might make for a super fun and super pleasurable experience for both of you. One really great thing about giving sexual experience as a gift is that it has a time limit, limit a boundary. You setting a time you were saying this is a high experience. Maybe if we like it, we could do it more than that, but there are no other expectations. It creates a really safe space for you to explore something and it's really low risk, like, if it doesn't go well, that's you can do something else for their birthday or got to dinner, go see a movie. The fact is that you tried, you created this experience. Try to create this experience and it lets your partner know really thinking about them really thinking about their needs. Okay, how do I pull off giving a sexual experience as a gift, some things you need to consider? First, I'm going to go over all of them. so really set if this is something you ready to do.

 

1. Clue Your Partner In Beforehand. 
Okay? You don't tell them all the details. You don't tell them specifically what it is the exact way you want to do this with them. But it is really important that they know. They know that something interested in there would be nothing worse than going through this work and planning and preparing and getting into the bedroom and finding out that they aren’t interested in that. Some people have fantasies about stuff that they never actually want to come to fruition and manifest in their bedroom. Some ideas are left in their heads because that's where we want to keep them. So check in with your partner. Of course, if you've been with this person for years and every year they are like really like to have a threesome for my birthday one year, that's probably all you need. Just let them know advance planning something special and sexy for their birthday.
 So they have opportunities to give you feedback. Let you know if they're in the mood, especially involves another person, do that preparing work in advance. It's not going to take away the surprises it's not going to take away the specialness of the evening, in fact, it's going to build anticipation, you know how excited you get when you know that later in the day that you would be getting laid in the way that you really want to, yeah, letting someone know advance. Hey, I do something really special and really sexy for your birthday. Want to make sure you really cool with planting the seed of anticipation and pleasure, so do that?

2. Set Aside time.
You need to schedule this you going to need an evening, this isn't going to be a normal sexual experience between you two there is more before, after enduring that needs to be in consideration, so set a special context. If the two of you have a favorite restaurant or you love a particular bottle of wine, go ahead and start laying those plans out in advance to make sure the evening and all the time round is special and also leave extra time for after the sexual experience, because the two of you might want some extra time to process. 


3. The Most Important Step.
And that is for you as the gift giver prepare yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically for whatever this experience is going to entail.
So let say for an example that you are going to try anal sex for this birthday or  Christmas experience, this is how can you prepare for anal sex, first physically. So if you never had anal sex before you need to try it out by yourself use your fingers, use toys, get familiar with what that feels like. So when you get into the bedroom you get familiar with what that feels like. And when you get into the bedroom, you already know what going on. You know Which angle works for you, it's not going to be a first-time experience for you there is a lot more that goes into preparing for anal sex. But here we are not talking about anal sex.
So what other preparations you can do for anal sex, but what about mental preparations? You might have to confront some of the reasons that you haven't anal sex before, is it? Do Gross, do you have particular concerns about cleanliness? What can you do to prepare for those? If that will show the mental prep work and emotionally, if you have some other thoughts about anal sex, maybe thought before it was, you might feel degraded by it. but that something that a lot of people experience, they complicated emotional feelings around some sex act. That why they have never taken place before. So do the emotional prep work, know, in advance, this is a gift, this is a one-time experience, and this is a B. This is a safe space in charge of creating it. And ultimately, if you change your mind midway through something like that, it going right, be mentally prepared to have that conversation as well, out of respect for yourself and your partner.  


4. Have a Backup Plan.
We get tummy aches; something happens at work, somebody got a migraine. Somebody starts menstruating, have a backup plan, have a backup day, Have something else scheduled, have a movie, throw in or something that can let your partner know their special to that gift, and be prepared to be flexible we are Human beings. Just because you plan this happening on this Saturday night? Doesn’t mean absolutely has to stay that way and your partner gets into a small altercation or conflict, And when you get to that space, you no longer feeling all that sex and excited that leave, make a rain check. For another date in which you can do this.
Finally communication with new sex acts which knew novelty things you trying for the first time. You should make sure to leave space after for any kind of after-care processing or communication that needs to happen between the two of you, consider, some of the things that you might need, the support that you might want upon completing the sexual experience. Let your partner know in advance, so they can be sure to give those things to you and also check in with them. For example, what if you trying something like tying up your partner, restraining their movement, spanking them or some kind of physical play you’ve never done before, speak with them, in particular, to ask, what kind of care do they want after to make sure it's not the experience itself, but everything around it both before making the preparations and after communicating and more on aftercare, this is so important you the gift giver, you have to come into this you cant say my partner forever has been wanting me to peg him and I am going to resent him forever. And I hate pegging him and I am so disgusted by it, but I am going to do it because it is my partner's birthday, it's not fair to you to do that, only ever give a sexual experience as a gift. If you were at least into it enough that you will not have any resentment or hard feelings afterward and are one hundred percent sure about that because the last thing you want is for a sexual experience gone wrong to a sour note on your relationship with your partner. Think about those things before him. Don't do anything you don't want to do in sex. Whether it's a gift ever. Just don't ever, do anything you really don't want to do. But if it's something you're okay with doing, you're okay with doing one time with trying it out a birthday holiday, perfect excuse to go there, check it out, see if you like it. Don't be afraid to include it in your sexual repertoire. If you do love it, be open to that as well, okay?
Remember, this experience is about them creating pleasure for them. And if you have a partner who likes to give pleasure instead of receive, you might have to be reminding them that this is really about them and they're allowed to sit back, relax, relax and enjoy. Ultimately, remember, this experience is a gift that you are giving to someone else and I say one more time, never do anything you are not cool with Except you have, after you now have more exciting and cool new stuff that brings fun to the bedroom with you and your partner will be open to experimenting more. 

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